


Scattered Dust

by nightvesper



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:11:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightvesper/pseuds/nightvesper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merton hoped for more than a hug from Tommy when he moved back from Germany, and now he regrets ever enrolling in State U. Cassandra comes back from her banishment to offer an alternative and Merton has to make a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scattered Dust

With a heavy sigh Merton exited his dorm room and stepped out into the crisp night air. He walked alone down the dimly lit forested paths around the campus, contemplating the series of decisions that brought him here. Back to living in a city he hated with people he hated even more. Why did he come back when everything he wanted was in Germany waiting for him?

Everything he wanted…except for Tommy.

Merton left Pleasantville with determination that Tommy would have a better life without him around. The werewolf spent so much time saving Merton from bullies, risking his life, reputation, and even his football career for the sake of their friendship. All that while Merton selfishly tried to sabotage his relationships. Lori, Sloan, and every other girl who flirted with him since he started the school year. Just because they had what he couldn’t. Tommy deserved better.

But Merton couldn’t follow through. It was only a week into his quarter at Heidelberg before he couldn’t stand the separation. He dropped out, enrolled in State U, and even hacked the computer system to ensure he could room with Tommy. He’d never felt so pathetic in his entire life.

Part of him pictured the scene of their reunion unfolding like the end of a romantic movie. One person would leave devastating the other, but when they came back everything would fall into place. Confessions of love, eternal bliss, and realizing they could never be apart again. It seemed to almost come true at first. When he arrived in their dorm the werewolf ran to hug him, excited and teary-eyed. Then Merton waited for the kiss that never came.

He tried to be happy just with their closeness in friendship, but it was useless. The torch he bore for the werewolf burned him alive. It wasn’t enough to be his friend, and now just being around Tommy was killing him.

The goth had to feign indifference at their lives connecting so intimately now that they lived together. The constant torment of spending every waking moment with a man he loved and could not have was heartbreaking. He had to act like he wasn’t affected by the other half of his soul sleeping mere feet from the bed he longed for them to share. He physically ached for him.

Moving back was the worst mistake of his life.

 

Merton was still deep in thought when a velvet-draped figure suddenly descended from the sky in front of him.

He shrieked in surprise at the interruption and disturbed the relative silence of the calm night. Luckily there was no one around to witness it.

It was Cassandra.

“You scared the hell out of me!” Merton gasped, clutching his chest and eyeing the vampire warily.

“I’m sorry, Merton,” Cassandra apologized sincerely. She was still as hauntingly beautiful as he remembered her. Her skin looked waxen in the streetlights, and her dark hair fell in curls around her shoulders. “I saw you walking and wanted to speak to you.”

“So,” Merton began with an awkward chuckle, “How’ve you been? And uh, why are you here?”

“I’m out of blood, Merton,” Cassandra said simply. “I smelled om loupe. I didn’t expect to run into you.”

Merton threw his arms up in the air. “I handed you the entire Syndicate. You said their blood would be enough to last you another half-century!”

“I’d been blood lusting for too long by the time I reached them. I couldn’t control myself! I just – I just drained them all!” Cassandra protested. She had the decency to look ashamed.

Merton shook his head vehemently, disgust apparent on his face. “It’s not my fault you didn’t ration them out. Go find your ‘om loupe’ somewhere else!”

“If you told me where Tommy was - ” Cassandra started.

Merton’s tone rose in anger. “After I gave you The Syndicate you swore you wouldn’t come after Tommy. That is the _only_ reason you’re still alive right now.”

“I offered you a chance to join me! You wanted to be a vampire. You knew you might kill and you didn’t care. Not until I threatened _him_ ,” Cassandra snarled. “So don’t play high moral ground with me.” Her grey eyes sparkled with a dangerous fire.

Merton backed away a step. “I don’t want him hurt,” he said, voice wavering.

Cassandra shook her head in exasperation. “You know I’ll die without blood, Merton. And obviously you still care for me or you would have already tried to stake me.” She gestured in irritation at the sliver of wood peeking out from Merton’s waistcoat. “My offer still stands, you know. I could turn you again and we can be together. Remember how free you felt? Don’t you want that back?”

Strength. Immortality. Companionship. He did want it.  He’d already spent so many years alone, desperate for someone to soothe the emptiness he felt inside. It could all be over in an instant.

But then he remembered how little concern he had for Tommy’s life as a vampire, and his stomach sank to his feet.

“I can’t,” Merton moaned.

Cassandra stepped toward him, voice gentle and soothing. “You’ll never have to be lonely again. You wanted this. You still do.”

She placed a slender hand on Merton’s cheek, caressing his lips with her red, painted thumb.

Merton leaned into the hand. His mind flashed back to Vesper, and how she had done the same; lulling him, touching his mouth and chest with her cold, pale hands. That touch of ice lit a fire in him.

Cassandra held his gaze captive while she closed the distance between them. She pressed her lips against his unresponsive ones.

Merton’s shoulders slumped in surrender. His hand went to grip the back of her hair as he pulled her against himself urgently, deepening the kiss.

It had been so long since he’d had this. So long since he felt the connection he desperately desired. So long since he felt alive. This was how he’d fallen before. How he’d betrayed the man he loved. He spilled Tommy’s secret to the first person who’d ever touched him with kindness.

Cassandra pulled away. Her fangs protruded, glinting in the starlight. She turned her head with purpose, slotting herself against Merton’s neck. “Let me make it better,” she cooed in his ear.

Merton closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In a quick motion he pulled the stake from his coat and plunged it into her heart. Her delicate form faded to ashes and blew away on the cold night breeze.

 ***

Merton wandered back to their room, dragging his feet. He took braced himself before opening the door to Tommy’s expectant face. The werewolf leapt to his feet from where he'd been sitting on an untidy bed. 

“I was just about to come find you!” Tommy exclaimed, relieved. “Where have you been?”

“Went for a walk. I saw Cassandra,” Merton mumbled.

Tommy’s eyes glowed yellow. “Cassandra? Your ex-girlfriend, Cassandra?!” he growled.

Merton opened his mouth to speak, but Tommy cut him off abruptly.

“You lied to me! Again!” Hands balled into fists and then transformed into rough paws as he slammed them down.

Merton jumped. “I didn't go out to meet her I just ran into her! After she wiped out The Syndicate she swore never to come back. She lied to me too!”

“You’re so selfish! She tried to kill me and you're going on late night strolls together! You don’t care about me at all. You don’t care if I live or die as long as you have a chance to score with some chick!”

Merton’s demeanor changed. He trembled, but stood taller, shoulders squared and defiant. “I haven’t even seen her since that day. And I didn’t do it for her; I did it for you! After knowing what The Syndicate did to you? Strapped you down, tortured you, _brainwashed_ you? They would have tried again, come back for you! You refused to do anything about it, so I did! I killed them!”

Tommy shook his head. “You should have talked to me, man!”

“There is no ‘talking’ to you, and I’m not your subordinate!” Merton glared at him. “Cassandra's dead now. Are you happy? She told me she wanted to drink you so I staked her! I just killed my girlfriend for you.”

“To be fair, she was already dead,” Tommy retorted coldly.

“She still wanted to be with me. She offered to turn me again; an actual respite from a lifetime of soul-crushing misery! And I rammed a stake through her heart and watched her die. Now, instead of spending eternity with one of the only people who ever loved me, I’m stuck with the asshole who jokes about her death. _Fuck_ you!” Merton’s voice cracked.

“I didn’t think-”

“No, you don’t think. Seriously, Tommy, fuck you!” Merton turned away. He’d reached the door when Tommy tried to stop him.

“Merton, wait! I’m sorry,” Tommy pleaded, paws outstretched toward him. “You only had a few dates. I didn’t realize you cared about her that much.”

Merton paused with his hand on the doorknob. He turned to look at Tommy. “I don’t. I just can’t stand feeling this way anymore. I wanted someone. I wanted out.”

“Out of what?” Tommy frowned.

“You really don’t get it, do you? Why do you think I came back from Heidelberg?”

Tommy’s brows drew together at the non-sequitur. “I thought you missed the monster fighting. Not enough excitement in Europe.”

“’Missed the monster fighting?’” Merton repeated hysterically. “I’ll give you a hint, Tommy. Facing the constant reminder of my own mortal condition isn’t fun for me! I’m not strong like you are. I could die from your idea of ‘excitement’. In fact I _have_ died before. I only do it _to help you_ because _I love you!”_

Tommy froze. He stared at Merton in shock, unable to move his gaze from the shorter man. A tense silence settled in the room.

Merton turned from him, refusing to meet his eyes. His own words shocked him, and his voice cracked again when he spoke. “I can’t lie to you anymore. I can’t do _this_ anymore! I’m taking advantage of you. I thought maybe when I came back you would finally understand...”

Tommy blinked. “You love me?”

“I can’t be your friend. It’s too late for that. I should have stayed. I should go back now…” Merton’s voice trailed off.

“Go where?”

Merton didn’t answer. He just shook his head with downcast eyes. Shoulders shaking, he tried to hold back tears.

“ _Germany_?! You’re not leaving again,” Tommy said forcefully. “That first full moon alone...” Something wild and vulnerable reflected in his yellow eyes. 

“I have hurt you so many times. I - ” Merton choked. “Vesper, Lori, Sloan, Cassandra… I don’t deserve you as a friend or anything else.”

Panic started setting in replacing all of the werewolf's former anger. “So you're not perfect! Neither am I. What about Charlotte? Or Vince? Or when you threw that party? I’ve let you down too, Merton! But nothing will hurt me more than you leaving. Don’t do that to me again. Please!”

“Tommy, didn’t you hear me? I can’t be your friend anymore. It's destroying me, and I've been taking you down with me!”

“What if I don’t want to be friends anymore either?” Tommy asked, struggling with the quavering of his own voice.

Merton sobbed loudly at the question. “I knew you’d feel that way!”

“No, that’s not - !” Tommy rushed to his side, paws seizing Merton by the shoulders. The goth flinched, but finally met the golden eyes with his own. “Why do you think it made me so nuts to hear about you and Cassandra? You gave up U of H hoping I would come around, right? Well here I am. Don’t you _dare_ leave again! It almost broke me the first time. I’ve never felt so alone in my life!”

Merton was dumbfounded. “You missed me that much?”

“Yes!” Tommy exclaimed. "I need you to be here. I can't do this by myself!"

Merton stared at him in disbelief until Tommy couldn’t stand it anymore. With a nervous swallow he wrapped Merton up into his arms and kissed him.

Merton could hardly believe what was happening. His heart pounded and he stopped breathing entirely once Tommy’s lips brushed his.  They were gentle and smooth like a satin cloth. And warm. He’d never felt such warmth in another's embrace in all his life, and the kiss electrified him to his core. The werewolf ran a large hand down his back, massaging in slow, calming circles.

Merton gasped against the other man’s mouth, tears streaming down his face. “I never knew you wanted me to stay.”

“You didn’t give me the chance to tell you. You were just gone,” Tommy whispered. “I love you, Merton. Don’t go.”

“I’ll never leave again.” Merton forced a laugh through his tears as he tried to wipe them away. “So what does that mean for us?”

Tommy straightened up, both hands settling around Merton’s slim waist. Somehow he’d managed to un-wolf during their kiss and his yellow eyes transformed back to a soft hazel color. He relaxed a little and a teasing smile quirked onto his face. “I think it means I wanna date you."

Merton grinned broadly. “Does that mean I get to kiss you whenever I want to?”

Tommy captured his mouth and kissed him again until they were both breathless.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I always thought Cassandra was an interesting character and I wanted to explore what would happen if she came back to kill Tommy. And I always write that Tommy and Merton are happy as roomies, so I wanted to switch it up to where it actually brings out Merton's depression even more. 
> 
> I hope it was enjoyable and not too angsty. 
> 
> Thoughts?


End file.
